So, today a question popped up in my mind during my Abnormal Psychology class. We were discussing autism, and the prof (and my textbook) stated that those with autism generally have a smaller cerebellum than normally developing individuals. I had immediately thought about what direction the causality is. As in… 1. does lower cerebellum size cause the symptoms of autism, 2. do the symptoms of autism cause the smaller cerebellum size, or 3. does some third variable cause both?
This is the answer I received from one of the profs at my school who does research on autism:
"That is a very good question and one that I really don’t think has been answered as of yet because the main way that we know the size of the cerebellum is through MRI scans which are very difficult to do with young children and thus we don’t know if the cerebellums of young children are different or not. Sorry I can’t help you. The answer, I would suspect, is that like most things in psychology, it is a little bit of both.”
Also… I am currently working on a “study” for my research methods course. My hypothesis (developed from past research) is that males are more effected than the better-than-average effect than females. As in, they rate themselves higher than women do in comparison to the average population.
Unfortunately, I am having to fail to reject my null hypothesis (there is not a significant difference/effect). This upsets me. However, it does go against all the prior research that I could find. Therefore, I suppose I can get that little bit of satisfaction knowing I proved psychologists wrong.
I ordered a book today called “14,000 Things To Be Happy About”. I am looking forward to reading it, once it comes. I’ll let you all know how it goes, and maybe share some of it’s wisdom from time to time.
Also, I went back to church today. This will be a personal story telling time.
So, my friend Beth, whom I met over the summer, is a rather lovely person. She, our friend Brittany, and I went skating not too long ago. Beth asked me about whether or not I was going to church, and my answer was no. I have been having problems with motivation and getting up in the morning, so this was my excuse.
She decided to bring me to the Salvation Army church today.
She called me at 9am this morning, and brought breakfast and tea when she arrived shortly after ten. Her Aunt Daisy also brought Beth, her brother Joel, Beth’s neice Annabelle, and I to lunch.
It was really rather lovely, and I love having friends like this.
But this story will become a Religious jibber-jabber type rambling now, so I will hide it for the sake of those who do not wish to read it.
I just want to be the girl who walks into the room and hears you say, “You’re beautiful to me.”
I want a nice boy. A nice Christian boy who brings me tea when I’m feeling down, and listens when I’m upset/joyful/excited/calm, and sits in silence with my head on his shoulder. The boy who writes me anonymous love notes, and calls me just to say goodnight.
Are there any of these boys left in the world? I sure hope so. :)
I went skating tonight. The winter wonderland that is a Canadian winter is so much more beautiful when shared with good friends, a cup of tea, and a pair of skates. And I didn’t fall!
Also, I have a note to myself to write:
Please wake up in the morning at a decent time. Latest 10am. Eat a good healthy breakfast, do some form of physical activity, even if it’s dancing around the house in your underwear. And just DO IT. Do what needs to be done. No distractions. Just do it. You’re the only one stopping yourself, A. So be the change you want to see in yourself. You are the only one who can do that.
Well, after looking at hundreds of pictures of girls who are super skinny, and moving past envy to realizing the reality of them not being healthy, and seeing proof of people fasting for days, and limiting their caloric intake to anywhere between 300-600 every day… I have moved past the envy.
I would still like to look good.
But my body is my body, and my body is healthy. And that is all that matters.
I’m 5’4. I am 130-135 lbs. I don’t actually own a scale (thankfully).
I wear size 7 pants (at Urban Outfitters I buy the ’27’ pants. Not entirely sure what measurement that is). Medium tops.
I’m average. For my height, I should be between 112 and 140 lbs. I am.
But I look at my body in the mirror, and I can’t believe how horrible it is. It’s just… absolutely disgusting. I can’t wear skin tight tops because of the the rolls, and inner tube effect above my hips. My butt has so much cellulite, it actually looks wrinkly. My thighs touch. Like, they meld together in between my legs for a one-legged effect, or something of the sort. I can’t wear lace, because you can see the mess that is underneath. When I sit down I suddenly look like I’m 5/6 months pregnant because of the bulge in my stomach area. And my boobs are a size A. Which just makes it look even more disproportional. Who has super tiny boobs, and yet a huge midsection? You’d think if my body was larger, I’d have larger boobs, or something!
UGH! And I eat ALL THE TIME. I try to exercise, but I have no motivation. I can’t buy snacks, even healthy ones, cause if I do, I end up eating them all in one sitting. It’s not like I eat TOO MUCH, I eat slightly under my alloted calories. And yet I STILL GAIN WEIGHT!
And I know I’m not overweight. But the fact that I’m not skinny KILLS me sometimes. Especially when the guys I am friends with drool over size 0 girls. Size 0 MODELS. The ones with big boobs, and the tiniest waist you have ever seen.
And sometimes I just get so frustrated that I will never be that girl. That girl who’s seen as pretty, or skinny, or anything even remotely close to pretty OR skinny.
But I know I will never even become close to that.
And it bothers me SOOOO MUCH.
I know I should be happy with what I’ve got. But no amount of healthy eating and regular exercise will ever get me close to that. And it bothers me. A lot. Like… I want to cry due to something probably so unimportant, but to me, is so important.
Anyways… I will stop ranting and raving about this. I just… needed to rant.
So, I’m having one of those days. One of those days, when even the faintest smell of a man makes your loins ache. But I have no one to satisfy those urges. So, it’s a battle. It constantly feels like I’m being ass-kicked by life in the area of never having had a boyfriend. AND I’M ALMOST 20.
Maybe it’s because Valentine’s Day was yesterday. But it’s not just today I have had them.
A guy friends advice: clubbing.
This would be a good idea if I wanted to have sex. But I don’t.
But I still just want to (and excuse the slightly PG details) make out with a guy, and tear his clothes off, and have him tear off mine, and to, well, go as far as you can without having sex, and just laying and spooning after and waking up with someone in bed next to you.
I feel like I’m complaining. And I have my friends voices in my head telling me that “it’ll come eventually” and “it’s okay”.
But it’s not. Well, I suppose I am still alive and breathing, but this is just not an urge you can get rid of. It’s part of being human.
I just wish I could jump the nearest guy who’s trace of scent I catch, and spend a night with him. But to a guy, a one-night stand means sex. Silly boys.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to answer this for awhile.
I’m not afraid of letting my name loose, but something is stopping me. I had started blogging with just my initials, because I wanted to remain that unknown girl who blogged about how she felt about life. Not because I feel safe doing it. Not because I want to necessarily remain unknown, but so that I can remain blogging as the unknown soul who isn’t looking for fame, or attention (though if I ever achieved that… BONUS!)
A hint: My initials are AS. I have two of the most popular North American names EVER. Shouldn’t be super hard to figure out ;)